HOW TO COOK A WIFE|
A man should go into the market for a wife and select
one for himself; if this is done carefully, she can be cooked
to a finish by the following method:
Take time for a selection; habits and breeding are
necessary; age and good looks are only secondary. By all
means select a live one. Carriage and plumage should be
considered; avoid a drabby appearance, judge from natural
points; avoid affinities. After you have determined and know
you can obtain your choice, let everybody know it. Secret
marriages are only fads. They recoil like a steel trap. Let
your father and mother know all about it. Make a wedding and
enjoy yourself. She will cook better.
Prepare a nice place to put her in, and prepare her for
the cooking process. Put in a little salt that saves and
preserves; don't stroke the surface the wrong way -- that does
no good. Cover her all over with love and kindness, as it
gives her a melting disposition. She will cook quicker. If
she wants the last word let her have it - you generally get the
first one. She will soon see where to stop. Keep her in a
warm place all the time - either in your mind, your heart, or
your affections. This makes her cook easy. Give her plenty of
air and liberty, as she will not get very far away; you are the
commander. Keep up a hot fire; make it warm for her in the way
of attention; she will like that. Don't forget to tell her how
well she looks. She won't be sick half as often as if you
neglect her. Keep close to her. She will look for this. It
stirs up her desire to please you. Show her to your friends,
and about the time the children come, of you are a good cook,
you will find she is well done; everybody will rise up and call
you blessed and you will be happy to serve her all your life.
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